


Five times Richie said "I Love You" to Eddie, and one time Eddie said it back

by somecrappyusername



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, myra gets mentioned like once, so does eddies mom but this is a reddie fic so you knew that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-01-29 16:17:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21413062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somecrappyusername/pseuds/somecrappyusername
Summary: There are many different ways to say you love someone.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Five times Richie said "I Love You" to Eddie, and one time Eddie said it back

The very first moment Richie was aware of this new feeling in his chest, he did everything he could to get rid of it. It was unpleasant- a mushy, disgusting feeling that pooled in his stomach and made him want to melt into the floor that only appeared when Eddie would smile or laugh at him, or yell at him, or-

Oh.

Soon after this new feeling was identified, Richie decided that it simply would not do. He ignored it for a few weeks- that made it worse. He denied it, flat out- same results. The only option left was to act upon it.

Richie was aware of the responses he might get if anyone knew his little secret. _ Disgusting _ s and _ Don't touch me! _ s and _ I hate you _s rang in his head. As such, he concocted a plan to alleviate this new feeling and evade notice, all at once. He knew, after all, that there were several ways to say ‘I love you.’

The first time he ever said it, Richie was hanging behind at the library with Eddie. They were trying to decipher a rather difficult math problem, and something just wasn't clicking for either of them. Eddie was very focused. It was getting late, and it was dark out.

"I don't know," he said, throwing the book shut and sliding it towards Richie. "You try." Richie smiled, feeling a yawn come on.

"It's getting late. There's no use wearing yourself out like this- algebra is definitely NOT worth it." Richie yawned, partially for persuasion purposes, and partially because he, too, was tired. The librarian was starting to glare, anyways. Eddie groaned.

"We're almost done, though. We're so close, and you know my mom will kill me and dance on my grave if my grade dips below a 99.8%." Eddie's eyes fluttered shut for a moment before he snapped out of his daze.

"No, clearly, it's time for you to go home. If you're so worried about your mom, I could help persuade her. She's very fond of me. After all, every Sunday, we-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, I do NOT need that in my head before I go to sleep. I'm leaving. I've been convinced." He stood up to return the books.

"I got it. Wait for me, okay? I'll walk you home." What he wanted to say was “I care about you more than you know.” Eddie smiled and rubbed his eyes.

"Thanks, Richie."

Richie's feelings for Eddie did not subside with time. The next year, in June of 1988, four boys stood outside the Derry Theater with about $5 each. 

"Guys, I'm serious. If we see one single usher, I'm getting the fuck out. I cannot spend my weekend in my house." Eddie looked at the poster of the movie they were going to sneak into- Poltergeist III. It was PG-13, which seemed pretty badass to a bunch of 12 year olds. 

"Already scared, Eds?" Richie poked him in the sides. He was a good deal taller than Eddie now.

"You wish, jackass," he replied, quickly turning to retaliate the blow. After a minute or so of bickering, Stan and Bill got fed up. 

"We're leaving you two out here." Bill was already heading inside, and Stan was halfway to the screen room where Poltergeist was playing.

"Come on!" Richie called, arms outstretched in a "what the fuck, guys," gesture.

"Let's just go inside, man."

The two did. Inside, they found Bill and Stan awaiting popcorn and drinks. Richie took Eddie's money and gave their combined $10 to Bill and Stan.

"Hey, get us some popcorn and we'll save seats." Bill nodded, and Richie ran back to Eddie.

"They'll buy us snacks. Let's go find some seats."

Sneaking into the theater was the easy part. Evading notice when the ushers asked after your tickets was significantly harder. For two still-relatively-small boys, it was no big deal. For those two plus Stan and Bill it was a little bit of a challenge. For Henry Bowers and his gang, it was easy. Richie watched him pull a knife on the poor employee who scurried away, asking other patrons for their tickets.

"That douchebag's only being a dick because he can't get a job to pay for his ticket," Richie snarled in disgust. "I bet he’d shit his pants if the roles were reversed.” Eddie giggled next to him. Richie felt something in his chest evaporate, or shift, or-- something. It left his tongue swollen and kind of numb, and his eyes felt stuck, fixed on the boy to his right.

The movie began before Richie could get himself to function again. The moment something scary happened, though, Eddie jumped nearly 10 feet in the air, clinging desperately to the armrest between him and Richie. Richie was unsure who grabbed who, but somehow, the two wound up hugging each other as if the world was ending.

The second time Richie said ‘I love you’ was a response to something Eddie whispered in that theater.

“Geez, sorry, dude. Didn’t know I was grabbing you.” Eddie sheepishly straightened himself in his seat.

“No worries, man. Not your fault the movie’s freaky as hell. If you need to grab me, I’m right here,” he quietly replied. To Richie, it meant, “This is all I have ever wanted out of the wonder that is life.” It was awkward to say. Usually, Richie opted for something a bit more scathing. This felt wrong in several ways. Still, when Eddie grabbed his arm a few minutes later, Richie decided that maybe it wasn’t so weird to say after all.

The third time Richie said ‘I love you’ was in a bit of a panic. He didn’t remember much of the moment after it had passed, but from the parts that were clearer, Richie could piece together the general occurrence.

The Losers, as they had begun to call themselves, were gathered in Bill’s garage. Richie remembered a projector, a map on the one blank wall, and then-- well, not much. Not anymore. The more he tried to remember, the harder it was to do so.

He did remember, vividly, what he’d said afterwards. Eddie was in full meltdown mode, a side of him that rarely showed itself. Bill and Silver had sped off towards Neibolt, leaving everyone else in the dust. Beverly followed, hot on his trail, then Ben, then Mike, then Stan, leaving Richie to deal with Eddie’s category 5 conniption. 

“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck…” Eddie chanted softly. Richie looked at him for a moment. _ Time to do what I do best _ , he thought, _ cuz clearly silence is doing him no good. _

“Eds, chill out, man. You’re hyperventilating.” He would’ve never known that word if it hadn’t been for the shaking mess of a person in front of him.

“Shut the fuck up, Richie, oh my god, we just got fucking attacked, and-- are you serious right now, dude? ‘Chill out?’ No. Everyone’s gone and probably about to go get themselves killed. Oh my god. We can’t just-” Richie grabbed Eddie’s wildly gesticulating hands.

“Dude, we aren’t helping by standing here.” He thought about letting go of Eddie’s hands, but thought that maybe he’d never get another chance, and so, kept his grip on them. “You can do this. If we’re going to go with them, you gotta have a clear head, okay? Just relax. We’ll catch up with them.” Eddie let out a breath. Progress. “You’re gonna be fine. Just stay with me.” What Richie meant was “Stay with me. Nothing bad can happen if we are together. I won’t let it.”

Eddie nodded. Slowly, they both got on their bikes and sped off, trying to catch up with the rest of their reckless friends.

The fourth time Richie said ‘I love you’ would seem, to an outsider, far less meaningful than the others. And it wasn’t really the only time it had happened, either- Richie made lots of jokes about Eddie’s mother, but this one held a secret meaning.

It was years after the Losers had defeated Pennywise. They’d stayed friends, and each went to the same high school. Nothing really changed much, but Henry Bowers had been thrown in some institution for the murder of his father. Life was easier. Life was maybe even good.

Richie would look around, at each of his friends, and think to himself, _ I will always remember these idiots. I love them so much. _He’d even begun to let himself think that yes, he did love Eddie. In a slightly different way from the rest of the Losers. He’d never ever admit it, but he thought it. Richie was almost ready, even, to accept it.

“Rich, you comin’ to the quarry today?” Eddie’s voice called from a few feet away. 

“I don’t know, Eddie, your mother wanted me to stop by, said she misses me.” Translation: I would give you the sun and the moon and all of the stars between it if you asked.

“Haha, very funny, are you coming or not?” Richie smiled to himself.

“Yeah, I’ll see you there.”

The truth was that maybe Richie wouldn’t go. There was a bus out of Derry to some city in Nebraska that he’d been thinking about getting on. Richie had saved some money, packed some bags, but the question remained- would he go?

_ Not today _, Richie decided. He was expected at the quarry, and to leave without saying goodbye was far more painful of a concept than staying for another week. 

So to the quarry he went, as the Losers had done almost every day that summer, and every summer before it. When he arrived, Richie threw his bike on the ground next to Bill’s new van. It was new to Bill, at least. It had been Betty Ripsom’s mother’s van, and it had sat in their front lawn waiting to be bought since… well, for a long time. Richie figured they’d all already jumped into the water, judging by the pile of clothing near the cliff and the absence of people.

Sure enough, as he approached the edge, Richie could hear laughter coming from far beneath him. He stripped to his swim trunks and jumped.

“Richie!” someone called. It was Eddie, who must’ve gotten a ride with Bill. He smiled.

“Eddie Spaghetti! How’s your mother?” A standard greeting, always accompanied by a water fight. And, of course, that twinge Richie had never quite gotten used to. It grew every time he grew accustomed to it.

“Oh come on, Eds. You would think by now you’d show some respect to your step-dad.” Alternatively: My life without you would be an empty abyss and I would rather be back underneath Neibolt than face that reality.

Part of Richie wondered if Eddie would ever pick up on his clues. Another part damns him for this. Yet another part thinks, when Eddie smiled at him the way he was doing now, that maybe he already had.

After spending 27 years apart, one might think that teenage crushes would fade.

One would be, in this case, fatally incorrect.

Forgetting entirely about the person you grew to love without forgetting your feelings for them means that the moment you are reunited, you remember how you felt and you cannot change it. At the very least, this is how it went for Richie Tozier.

The fifth time Richie said ‘I love you’ to Eddie was under circumstances that were far more dire.

Once again, the Losers (minus Stan) found themselves beneath the house on Neibolt street, facing a killer clown and his insatiable thirst for their blood. History has a way of repeating itself, and as such, Richie found himself to be particularly aware of Eddie’s presence. The moment they’d seen each other again for the first time was like getting hit in the face with a sack of bricks. 

Another sack of bricks was thrown when they remembered the killer clown, and the fact that they’d have to defeat it again.

And so, once again, the Losers took to the sewers to defend their hometown. After fighting to get to the entrance to where they needed to go, Eddie stopped.

“You guys, I can’t do it,” he muttered, then louder, he added, “I can’t. You saw what happened… up there, I was gonna let you _ die, _I fuckin’ froze up.” He paused. “You let me go down there with you, I’m gonna get us all killed.” He began to fumble with his inhaler. Richie grabbed Eddie’s wrists and began to reach for the inhaler.

“Give me that.”

“Richie-”

“Let go, you little turd-”

“Let me just-” Eddie pumped the inhaler a few inches from his mouth and tried to breathe in the medication from afar. Richie put his flashlight in Eddie’s face in an attempt to get him to cut it out

“Yeah, yeah, stop.” Eddie finally stopped resisting. “Listen to me. You had a moment, fine. But who killed a psychotic clown before he was 14?” Richie did not break eye contact, but Eddie did. He looked at the ground, humiliated.

“Me.”

“Who stabbed Bowers with a knife he pulled out of his own face?” Eddie nodded, still not looking at Richie. Seeing him like this was something Richie didn’t think happened often, and he still didn’t remember everything about his time in Derry yet.

“Also me,” Eddie replied. Richie took a deep breath before continuing.

“Who married a woman 10 times his own body mass?” There was a beat of silence. Eddie seemed unsure whether Richie was being serious. He was. It took bravery to marry someone like Myra. Richie knew this, and he’d never even met her.

“Me.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie was looking far steadier than he had just a few moments ago.Richie smiled a bit. It was working. Where to go from here? There were so many things he wanted to say. For a moment, while he thought about his next words, time stopped. 

He could say, “Do I look like the type of guy to fall madly in love with a scaredy-cat?” or maybe “I have loved you for so long I forget what any other feeling is like.” Even a simple “I love you, Edward Kaspbrak.” Richie thought maybe now was not the time for all that- instead, he held Eddie’s shoulder, looked him in the eye, and told him this-

“You’re braver than you think.”

The closest he’d ever get to saying the words themselves.

Eddie grasped the weapon Bev had given him earlier with white knuckled intensity. 

“If you believe it does…” He kept his eyes closed. It was easier to imagine he was anywhere else if he didn’t see Pennywise attacking his closest friends. When he opened them, his only thought was _ “Aim.” _

Eddie threw the spear straight into the glowing, swirling mass of energy that was It’s face. A few feet beneath him, Richie dropped to the ground. Eddie’s stomach dropped with him- if Richie was injured, he might never forgive himself. 

Pennywise began to stumble, crawling around the cavern like an ant that had been crushed, but hadn’t died.

“Holy shit!” Eddie cried. He’d done it. He’d _ killed It. _ That was it. He rushed down to Richie, who hadn’t moved or said a word since the deadlights took hold of him.

“Rich!” he called. The unconscious man began to stir. “Yeah, there he is, buddy! Hey! Richie! Listen! I think I got him, man! I think I killed It!” Richie was waking up. Eddie, caught up in the euphoria of his worst nightmare being defeated, continued. “I did! I think I killed it for re-” He was cut short by the feeling of something forcing its way between his stomach and his ribs. 

Richie’s expression went from dazed to horrified within the span of a second. Eddie looked down at his shirt to see on of It’s legs… feet? One of It’s claws protruding from a _ very _ bloody hole in his shirt.

_ Oh, _ he thought, _ so not quite. _ He was lifted off the ground by the thing in his torso and tossed across the cistern like a discarded doll, falling down the tunnel to lay at the bottom. 

_ Everything is muffled. _

_ Is everyone alright? _

_ We didn’t get it. _

_ I can’t move. _

Suddenly, memories come flooding back to him. 

The Losers playing in the quarry together for the first time.

Yelling at his mother about his pills.

Richie’s incessant jokes.

These were pleasant memories, one might notice, but to Eddie, it means the end of a chapter. He realizes, quickly, that this is the final chapter. As such, he continues to reminisce.

Bev covering for them so they could steal products to stitch Ben up.

Saving Mike from the bullies, and the following rock war. _ Stuff of legends, _he thought. Eddie smiled.

He remembered Richie’s jokes, and how even though he’d acted mad, secretly, he’d enjoyed the extra attention.

Why?

_ Ah, yes, _ he thought, as he recalled a new feeling in his chest towards the end of the Losers’s years in Derry, _ because it’s Richie. I’m gonna miss him the most. We might’ve… _

He’s interrupted by hands shaking him as near awake as he can get.

It’s Richie.

“Rich, I- I gotta tell you something,” Eddie groaned, as best he could. Richie’s already shaky hands became less and less stable.

“Y-yeah, man,” he whispered. Eddie thinks of the best way to say what he wanted to say. After all, there were several ways to say ‘I love you.’

“I fucked your mom!” Eddie laughed, or tried, at least. It was the best he could do. Hopefully, Richie understood. Eddie was doing his best to speak his language- he could only hope that it worked. He wondered if maybe, just maybe, Richie had been trying to say the same thing.

In the blink of an eye, he wondered no more.

**Author's Note:**

> i wish i was sorry. im not


End file.
